A lot of my clients like to keep a journal. Journaling is a technique that many therapists like to employ. Why? It's a great way to keep track of how you think and feel. It's a great way to be more aware of yourself. Awareness is a fundamental life skill. Without it, we have no clue what's going on inside of us. If we have no clue, then we certainly aren't making the best decisions that we can. By learning to be aware of ourselves, we connect with our thoughts, feelings, wants and our behaviors. By knowing ourselves well, we are not only able to make good decisions, but best fit decisions. If I work with someone who is having trouble getting to know him/herself, I encourage journal writing. For some, it may be awkward, but after time, it'll feel more comfortable. I also recommend journal writing when people have trouble managing difficult feelings. Journal writing can be very therapeutic when people have strong emotions and don't know what to do with them. Instead of being destructive, you can write about them. Once feelings are acknowledged, they are less powerful. So, if you ever feel down or lonely, mad or frustrated, pull out your journal, a little time spent writing could open up a whole new world of self-discovery.
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Last night we had a stressful dinner. Dinner? How can dinner be stressful? As a parent of 2 young boys, dinner time can be stressful especially when they don't want to eat or spill things. Last night, my son, Avery spilled his milk and made a mess dishing out his applesauce. My husband immediately criticized him for making the mess. After observing this situation, I came to realize how critical we can be as parents. We have lots of expectations for our children that really are unrealistic. How can we expect our 8 year old son to not make a mess when we have situations where we make unintended messes too? Watching Avery clean up his spilt milk, I was able to look into his eyes and see the disappointment. He clearly was remorseful for spilling the milk, but he also exhibited shame. Shame is not an emotion that an 8 year old should be showing after spilling his milk. Avery certainly showed this emotion after being criticized. Parenting is a tough job, but we need to take time to really learn about our children and their development. Life is tough enough and being critical has no business in our parenting toolbox. Think about how you are critical. Maybe you're not a parent, but are you being critical to others in your life? Is it really worth criticizing someone? Could it be that you have some unresolved issues that you need to be aware of? To add to my blog on positive thinking, I got to thinking about some things. Here in St. Louis, we've had quite a violent last couple of weeks. A couple of days ago, a minister was shot in front of his congregation while giving his sermon. Several people have been killed in recent drunk driving accidents. Everyday there are people who are arrested for all kinds of violent crime. Following these types of stories, watching the news and reading the newspaper can really get negative thoughts flowing. To guard myself from negativity, I rarely watch the news and read only headlines in the newspaper. I like to use the defense mechanism of denial in a healthy way by avoiding large doses of negativity. This helps me focus more on the positive side of life. I challenge you to look at how you get doses of negativity. Do you need a news-free day? Do you need to avoid those negative co-workers gossiping at the water cooler? How can you better take care of yourself so you can stay positive? One of the biggest techniques I teach my clients is to think positively. So many of us walk around with all of this negativity in our thoughts. Our society has really pushed the negativity. If you think about what you see on the news and in the newspapers, it's all negative. You rarely get a feel good story. I see lots of people in my office who get stuck in such negative thinking. Negative thinking affects so many areas of your life. It drains your energy and creates more negative energy. Think about the theory of like attracts like. If you are putting out negative energy, negative energy is going to come back to you. However, if you are putting out positive energy, you will be rewarded with positive energy. No, you don't have to walk around like Stuart Smalley (from Saturday Night Live), but making some changes toward thinking more positively will make you feel so much better. So, I challenge you to start thinking positively. Expect good things to happen to you. You'll be surprised because good things will start to flow your way. I recently had a struggle with deciding on what type of day care my children should be in. Unfortunately, I have to work and am at the point where I need to add more office hours. Although I love being with my children, I am conflicted at work because I do not have enough client hours to meet all of my clients' needs. As I thought about this decision, I was reminded of the steps that we teach in our communication workshops about making decisions. To solve a problem or make a decision, we need to be more aware of all of the components that go into making a decision. There are 5 things that need to be taken into account: the sensory data (the facts about the situation), your thoughts, your emotions, what you want, and your behaviors, both current and past. As you look at all of these components, making a decision is a lot easier because you have taken into account all of the necessary data. Since looking at that information, I have made progress toward my dilemma. I also realized that I need more information to finalize my decision. Sometimes, we rush to make decisions without all of the necessary information. So, think about how you make decisions. What information do you need to make your decision.? What information are you consistently leaving out? Do you ever set goals for yourself? I used to work for a company that made me sit down annually to write down my career goals. It was a neat approach and it certainly made me focus on working towards those goals. I still take time to mentally determine what goals I want to work on in my career, but I recently decided that it is time to write them down on paper. I also wondered about writing down some personal goals that I want to accomplish as well. By personal goals, I am referring to goals that will help me grow as a person. For some people, personal goals may include weight loss, going to therapy, taking a cooking class, spending more time with friends, etc. I encourage you to take time to not only write down your career goals, but also your personal goals. Make sure you take the time to write out the steps that you will take to reach your goal. There is nothing better than being able to watch your progress by checking off all the things you are doing to accomplish your dreams. Happy goal setting! I just got finished with a 3 day workshop that took up my entire weekend. Fortunately, I don't have to work today, but I certainly have to work around my house to catch up on all of the housework that didn't get done while I was gone. Racing around from chore to chore can really burn you out. It doesn't give you any down time which is important these days. So, when you have crazy times like I have had lately, how do you de-stress? Good ways to de-stress are getting exercise, fresh air, spending time with friends, curling up with a good book, etc. Make sure you are spending time on relaxing leisure activities or hobbies. Stress can certainly take a toll on one's body so it's also important to make sure you get plenty of rest, good nutrition and exercise. I took the time to play games with my kids, go out to eat with my family, and watch a favorite television show with my husband. It was much needed after a demanding weekend. I hope to get in a little more R&R today. So, for today, think about how you can incorporate some down time in your schedule. I recently lost my dog, Scooby after 14 years of being together. It really was a great loss in my life. It was really the first major loss in my life. I have had grandparents pass, which, don't get me wrong, were difficult to deal with, but they weren't living with me. I now have to deal with getting up every day without saying good morning to my closest friend. Throughout this whole ordeal, I have come to realize how I respond to grief. I have also looked at how others respond to grief as well. We all have differing ways of responding and what works for some does not work for others. My biggest "aha" moment was recognizing that when I needed to cry, I let it loose. I also realized that strange and often sudden waves of sadness would come over me. I have decided to sit with these feelings, feel them and allow myself to grieve when I need to. Have you lost someone close to you? In what ways do you grieve? |